Dude, Where's my cow??
by WriterJ
Summary: 2 guys wake up the day of the cow festival with one question: dude, where's my cow??
1. Default Chapter

DUDE, WHERE'S MY COW?????  
  
Overview: Two guys in Flowerbud wake up the day of the cow festival with 1 question: Dude, Where's my cow??  
  
Written by: John  
Date: January 10-12 2002  
A Harvest Moon Story  
Comedy-Parody  
Rated: PG-13  
  
  
A boy from flowerbud, Gray wakes up and puts on some pants, he runs into the other room where the other guy Cliff as he watches the horse racing channel. Cliff sits there scratching his head as he watches.  
  
Cliff: Hey Gray.  
Gray: Hi cliff.  
  
The pastor walks out of the bathroom goes to the kitchen and gets a kleenex.  
  
Pastor: Hi fella's.  
Cliff: Hello pastor.  
  
The pastor walks back into the bathroom.  
  
Gray: Hey Cliff.  
Cliff: What?  
Gray: Why does the pastor live in our bathroom?  
Cliff: I dont know, do you know him?  
Gray: Yeah but i didnt invite him.  
  
They both shrug. And Cliff watches the TV again.  
  
Gray: Hey Cliff.  
Cliff: Yeah.  
Gray: What did we do last night.  
Cliff: (looks around) I dont know.  
Gray: Didnt someone have a party?  
Cliff: Yeah our girlfirends must of.  
Gray: Mary and Ann?  
Cliff: Yeah.  
Gray: okay.  
Cliff: Were we there?  
Gray: Well i guess we were.  
(they shrug again)  
  
Gray: He Cliff were we suppose to do something today?  
Cliff: I think so...  
Gray: Well what is today?  
Cliff: Uhh sunday?  
Gray: Yeah i think it is.  
Cliff: Wasnt there the festival?  
Gray: Well if there was a party last night then why would there be a festival today?  
Cliff: Good point.  
Gray: Was there a party?  
Cliff: We agreed that there must have been a party last night.  
Gray: Yeah.  
Cliff: Wait..  
Gray: What?  
Cliff: Werent we going to enter your cow to the cow festival for today?  
Gray: Wow, YOUR RIGHT.  
Cliff: So we feed your cow and bring him over early.  
Gray: good thinking.  
  
Cliff: I wonder if we have any messages.  
(clicks a button)  
  
(The message comes on)  
  
Ann: Thanks for having the party last night.  
Mary: You trashed the whole place.  
Ann: You came over with wine, beer and weed!  
Mary: You assholes!  
Ann: We are still cleaning!  
Mary: And the cops came.  
Ann: And we got in trouble thanks a lot!  
Mary: And you must of forgot out anniversary.  
Ann: And it is....TODAY!  
(beep)  
  
Cliff: Wow they sound mad.  
Gary: they probably didnt get enough sleep.  
Cliff: They are such party animals.  
Gary: Yeah  
(they laugh)  
  
Gary: It's our anniversary.  
Cliff: Did we get them anything.  
Gary: I guess we did.  
Cliff: We would be bad people if we totally forgot.  
Gary: Didnt we get them something at the shop?  
Cliff: Yeah the shop keeper must have something on reserve for us.  
Gary: Okay we get my cow.  
Cliff: Enter in the festival early.  
Gary: We leave for a little while.  
Cliff: Get them their gifts.  
Gary: Help clean their house.  
Cliff: And go to the festival.  
Both: OKAY.  
  
Cliff: Let's get your cow.  
Gary: Sure thing.  
  
They both walk outside and look back and forth.  
  
Cliff: Where's your cow dude?  
Gary: Dude, where's my cow?  
Cliff: Where's your cow dude?  
Gary: Dude where's my cow?  
Cliff: Where's your cow dude?  
(Cliff starts to laugh)  
Gary: Dude the cows gone dude.  
Cliff: Where's your cow dude?  
Gary: Stop that's annoying.  
Cliff: Okay lets look in the barn.  
(they go to the barn and there's nothing there)  
  
Gary: Okay we need to go see someone and retrace our steps from last night.  
Cliff: Yeah, Jack can help!  
  
They walk down the street.  
  
Gary: I dont like walking.  
Cliff: No way dude.  
Gary: Look there's Elli's Grandmother!  
  
Gary runs to the street and tries to stop Elli's Grandmother and she runs him over.  
  
Gary: Owww she must be blind. I guess we have to walk.  
Grandmother: (looks behind) Fuckin stoners, i wish he would have died from the impact.  
(she keeps driving)  
  
Gary and Cliff walk to Jack's house and go behind to the back of the house.  
  
Cliff: Can you help us retrace our steps?  
Jack: Retrace your steps, i can help with.  
Gray: (whispers to Cliff) why does he talk like that?  
(they both shrug)  
Jack: Concentrate you must.  
Jack: HUMMMMMMM  
(Cliff and Gray look at the dog)  
Jack: HUUUUMMMMM  
Gray: Hey does your dog do anything?  
Jack: Talented the dog is.  
Cliff: What's he do?  
Jack: Come here badass. Come see daddy. (holds up a pipe)  
Badass: (smokes the pipe)  
Cliff: COOOOLLLL.  
Gray: Whoa.  
Jack: Awesome it is dudes.  
(the dog falls over)  
  
Gray: Hey lets get some food.  
Cliff: How about Chinese?  
Gray: Sure.  
Cliff: Sweet.  
Cliff: Give us a lift Jack.  
Jack: Lift i will give, dudes.  
  
They all go in Jack's care to the Chinese fooood place and drive to the order place.  
  
Lady: Hello, how may i help?  
Gray: Okay, ill have 3 orders of chicken fried rice.  
Lady: And den?  
Gray: and some sweet and sour soup.  
Lady: and den?  
Cliff: fortune cookies.  
Gray: Oh yeah and some fortune cookies.  
Lady: And den?  
Gray: ....im done ordering.  
Lady: And den.  
Gray: Do you understand?  
Lady: And den?  
Gray: No and den.  
Lady: And den?  
Gray: No and den.  
Gray: No and den!  
Lady :And den?  
Gray: dont make me come in there and shit down your throat!  
(silence)  
Lady: And den and den and den  
(Gray clams the ordering place and they drive off)  
  
Gray: okay.....  
Cliff: Taco's!  
Gray: Sounds good.  
Jack: Tacos it will be.  
(they drive to the ordering place)  
  
Man: Hola.  
Gray: I would like 3 small tacos.  
Man: y que?  
Gray: Some Salsa chicken.  
Man: y que?  
Gray: And some tortilla chips.  
Man: y que?  
Gray: Im done!  
Man: y que?  
Gray: You fast food people are pissing me off!  
Man: y que?  
Cliff: Okay lets leave Jack.  
Gray: Lets get out of here, move your ass!  
  
(The car stops and they get thrown out of the car)  
  
Cliff: Jack come back.  
Gray: I think you made him mad.  
Cliff: Im not the one who called the Harvest Godess a bitch!  
Gray: I couldnt help it!  
Cliff: Now where do we go?  
Gray: Let's go see our girlfriends.  
Cliff: Good idea.  
  
Cliff and Gray walk to their girlfriends house. Outside the windows are broken, and there is a tree on fire.  
  
  
TO CONTINUE GO TO CHAPTER - TWO 


	2. Chapter 2

DUDE, WHERE'S MY COW????  
  
CHAPTER DOS, TWO, 2  
  
  
Gray: Wow we really trashed the place bad.  
Cliff: They must be pissed.  
Gray: Okay lets go in.  
  
They walk inside the house. It is clean inside though and Karen and Ann stand in the doorway.  
  
Gray: Hi.  
Cliff: We would have helped clean up but it looks like you've done it.  
Karen: Yeah with the cops watching us!  
Cliff: Why?  
Ann: Because you guys were smoking weed!  
Gray: We would never do that.  
Karen: Really? How about last night?  
Cliff: Are you sure that was weed?  
Ann: YEAH!  
Karen: And today is our anniversary.  
Cliff: I bet you didnt get us anything either.  
Gray: Well we have had some problems toady.  
  
Both Gray and Cliff get thrown out of the house and onto the lawn.  
  
Gray: They're pissed dude.  
Cliff: I know. What are we going to do?  
Gray: What should we get them?  
Cliff: Flowers and chocolate. They love chocolate.  
Gray: Where do we get the money?  
Cliff: I have a plan!  
Gray: What?  
Cliff: We find your cow.  
Cliff: We win the festival.  
Cliff: And get them the greatest present we could get!  
Gray: yeah. your right. But my cow wont win.  
Cliff: You have to have faith!  
Cliff: You have the best cow in town!  
Gray: Your right, i need confidence!  
Gray: Lets go find my cow!!!  
Cliff: YEAH!  
  
Cliff and Gray start walking into town and they get kidnapped by some people in a van and get dragged in.  
  
Guy: Are you Cliff and Gray?  
Gray: Maybe who is this?  
Guy: We are followers of the harvest godess. We have been told you have the superior milker.  
Cliff: The super what?  
Guy: The superior milker.  
Cliff: What's it do?  
Guy: Once used a cow can become the most beautiful and most talented.  
Gray: SWEET.  
Cliff: So we had this last night?  
Guy: Yeah.  
Cliff: Well we dont remember anything.  
Guy: You are in great danger. Dont trust anyone!  
  
They get thrown back out of the van onto the street.  
  
Cliff: Wow that was weird.  
Gray: Yeah.  
Ciff: Let's go.  
  
They keep walking and Harris comes up to them with a police car and forces them in and he goes to the station.  
  
Harris: Where were you last night?  
Gray: We dont remember.  
Harris: Dont tell me that shit, where were you?  
Cliff: We dont remember!  
Harris: Your cow was seen running from a major drug deal.  
Gray: Really?  
Harris: If you take us to the drug dealer we will let you go.  
Cliff: I guess thats our only choice!  
Harris: Yeah, go find him! We will be watching you.  
  
Cliff and Gray leave the station and go back out on the street.  
  
Cliff: Who sells drugs?  
Gray: Well our girlfriends said we came with weed.  
Cliff: Who is the only person we get drugs from?  
(they both look at eachother)  
Both: CHEF!!!!!!!!!1  
  
They run to his hut and go inside.  
  
Gray: Chef!  
Chef: What? Here for more?  
Cliff: We bought some from you last night?  
Chef: Hell yeah, lots of stuff.  
Gray: Did you see our cow?  
Chef: I dont see no cow but i was in here the whole time.  
Cliff: Okay i see.  
(Harris comes in)  
Harris: So this is the drug dealer?  
Chef: you busted me?  
Chef: I gave you shit half off and you bust me?!  
(they take him out)  
Harris: We need you to come back to the station. We have some info about your cow.  
Gray: you found it?!  
Harris: I think so.  
Cliff: SWEET.  
Gray: Lets go.  
  
Harris drives them to the station and Cliff and Gray are told you talk to Rick, a helper at the station.  
  
Cliff: Hey rick.  
Rick: Hello fella's.  
Gray: you...you have my cow?  
Rick: yes i do.  
(types on the computer)  
Gray: good.  
Rick: Oh boy....hmmm....wait....  
Gray: What is it?  
Rick: Did you say you wanted the cow back or you wanted it butchered?  
Gray: umm we want the cow back.  
Rick: Well i just sent it to the shop.  
Cliff: Rick....  
Rick: Want a donut? I've eaten 813 this month!  
(they shrug and eat the donut)  
Rick: You can still get it back if you go to the shop right away.  
CLiff: Okay.  
Gray: Thanks Rick.  
  
They walk down the street and goes to the butcher shop.  
  
Guy: Can i help you?  
Gray: Did you get a cow in here this morning?  
Guy: Yeah i got 10 cows.  
Gray: Well this one had brown dots though.  
Guy: Oh yeah all the others had black dots.  
Guy: Well someone is going to enjoy him.  
Gray: WHAT?!  
Cliff: You sliced and diced the poor little guy?  
Guy: Oh no, i didnt mean it like that. Some guy wanted it so i sold it to him. (hits some meat with the butchers knife)  
Gray: Give us the name please.  
Guy: Actually i wrote down the name right here.  
Cliff: Okay thanks (tried to grab the paper)  
Guy: THE LAST GUY WHO STOLE SOMETHING HAD A MISSING HEAD!  
Cliff: aahhh ahhhh  
Guy: Hahahahaha  
Guy: Let me check and see if i can give out the address.  
(shoves the paper into a piece of meat so they dont get it and goes into the other room)  
  
Cliff: Go get it.  
Gray: No way.  
Cliff: Justdo it.  
Cliff: For the cows sake.  
Gray: Fine.  
(sticks his hand in the meat and gets stuck)  
Gray: ummm  
Cliff: What?  
Gray: Im stuck!  
Gray: I still want my head!  
Gray: help me!  
(the butcher comes back in)  
Guy: I can give you the address, but i need your head first!  
Gray: Ahhhh!  
(pulls his hand and runs with the paper)  
Guy: EHAHAHAHAHA  
  
(they leave the store)  
  
Cliff: Okay maybe we should cut back on the weed.  
(gray punches him)  
Cliff: Your right we shouldnt.  
Gray: We have to go to dukes house.  
Cliff: Okay  
(they walk and open the door into a large yard)  
  
Cliff: This place is creepy!  
Gray: Lets just get the cow and come out of here!  
(a few horses come in front of them)  
  
Cliff: Ahhh!  
Gray: A donkey!  
Cliff: It's a horse.  
Gray: donkey.  
Cliff: Okay we run to the door and ring the bell.  
Gray: good thinking.  
Cliff: GO!  
(they run up to the door and knock, a man with black hair knocks them on the head and the pass out, waking up later)  
  
Duke: Your awake!  
Both: Yeah.  
Duke: You know what happens when people are caught trespassing?  
Duke: They are thrown in jail for the rest of their lives!  
Cliff: ahhh  
Gray: I dont want to die!  
Duke: You can leave, if you answer this question about horses.  
Duke: What is the average speed of the stallion breed horse?  
Gray: Ohhh we are going to die!  
Cliff: Wait!  
Cliff: The average running speed of the stallion is 17 miles per hour and they are the top breed to race proffessional.  
Duke: Correct!!  
Cliff: Horse racing channel(shrugs)  
Duke: You can go now!  
Gray: did you see our cow?  
Duke: Yes, you want it back?  
Gray: yeah the police made an error.  
Duke: Okay follow me!  
(they go into the empty barn)  
Duke: It it it was right here!  
Cliff: Ohhh dude.  
Gray: Now we have to find it again.  
Duke: Im very sorry about this.  
  
They leave the house and go out. Cliff looks in his pocket.  
  
Cliff: Hey a key for the locker at the restaurant.  
Gray: Okay lets check it out.  
  
They go to the restaurant/bar.  
  
Cliff :Hey can we go to locker 91?  
Guy: Sure, that way.  
Gray: Thanks dude.  
Cliff: Here we go.  
Gray: Open it!  
Guy: The superior milker better be in there.  
Cliff: Whoa the freaky worshipping dudes!  
Cliff: Okay ill open it.  
(opens it)  
Gray: Whats that?  
Cliff: Looks like some.....weed? (throws it) How did that get in there?  
Gray: Anything else?  
Cliff: Yeah.  
Gray: what?  
Cliff: SWEEEEETTT! It's the good milking thing!  
Guy: You found it!?  
Cliff: Yup.  
Gray: Wait!  
Gray: We need that, so when we find the cow we could use it!  
Guy: No give it to us!  
Cliff: Dude wait!  
Gray: What now?  
Cliff: The cow is in here!  
Gray: Really?  
Cliff: It;s your cow milky!  
Gray: Thats one big locker then.  
Cliff: Hey dude.  
Guy: What?  
Cliff: Look a rainbow!  
Guy: Where?  
(Cliff punches him and he falls over) 


	3. Chapter 3

DUDE, WHERE'S MY COW?????  
  
PART three, tres, 3  
written by: John  
  
  
  
Cliff: Now what?  
Gray: We go win that festival.  
Cliff: And?  
Gray: We go find great presents for out girlfiends!  
Cliff: YEAH!  
Gray: Dude lets go!  
  
------THE FESTIVAL------  
  
Cliff: We better win!  
(the judge looks at the cow)  
Judge: Excellent cow.  
Cliff: hear that? we won!  
Gray: He didnt say that.  
Judge: Gray wins!  
Gray: Now he did!  
Cliff: YES!!!  
Gray: We did it!  
Cliff: Lets go get their presents and impress our girlfriends!  
Gray: Wait.  
Cliff: What?  
Gray: I have to take a shit first.  
Cliff: Okay.  
  
They walk to their girlfriends house with tons of flowers, chocolate cake and cookies.  
  
Karen: Thank you!  
Ann: You guys are so sweet!  
Karen: You are going to make us fat (laughs).  
Gray: Well it was the least we could do.  
Cliff: Okay, we will see you guys tonight?  
Ann: Yep!  
Karen: Right at 8 ok?  
Cliff: Sure thing.  
  
They walk outside.   
  
Cliff: Let's take Jack's car.  
Gray: hahaha.  
Cliff: IT is going to be funny.  
Cliff: lets go.  
  
They walk to Jack's house and get into his car. They drive it away and they come down the road and hit Elli's Grandmother and she gets up.  
  
Grandmother: Fuckin shithead bastards!!  
  
-----DUDE WHERE'S MY COW???------  
  
Writter by: John  
Story idea: Dude, where's my car??  
  
UPCOMMING STORIES:  
  
Seven Days Romance PG  
Scream 6 Comedy PG-13  
Rags to riches Action PG  
Drug Bust Comedy NC-17 


End file.
